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“98.2% Natural”
I bet you anything someone sued over the exact percentage points.
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“It was created with the natural blessings of the earth.”
Created with the natural blessings of the earth, then sold in a store with the blessings of capitalism. Wasn’t that a Jethro Tull song?
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“Odor fighting hops.”
This is funnier when you do one of two things:
1) See “hops” as a verb instead of a noun. Look at that odor bounce!
2) See “odor” and “fighting” as a noun and verb, respectively; as opposed to an adjective describing the hops. I’d put my money on the hops in a fair fight, but with prison rules, I’d go with odor.
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“There are brave souls who dare to dream that men are brothers and not foes. That hands may clasp across the seas to common good, to common woes. That beneath God’s law, the Essene Moral ABC, that 6 billion strong unites All-One-God-Faith men will embrace in brother-love to never kill in bitter hate.”
Oh Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap, you’re the reason this blog exists.
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“As a Chinese emperor once did, bring fresh water to boil, cool slightly then allow tea leaves to gently fall into your cup.”
Something tells me a Chinese emperor wasn’t brewing a tea bag he bought from Whole Foods inside a Star Wars mug.
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“For best karma, please recycle.”
I’m glad a tea bag is concerned about my karma.
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“Very emollient and botanically moisturizing natural sun protection.”
Botanically moisturizing or GTFO
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“As no chlorine is used for bleaching, no chlorine is dumped into our lakes, rivers, and streams.”
#NoChlorine
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“Biodegradable but should be recycled.”
No free pass for you, litterbug.
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“Most elements of this package can be recycled or composted!”
But not all of them? Rip-off.
Claims, labels, and other text that show up on various hippie products I buy.
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